TATTSE Ch. 2: CAPTAIN EAGLE

THE AWESOMEST TT STORY EVER
Ch. 2: Captain Eagle and Friends

A random guy with a Jack Frost patch exclaimed, "Oh my god!  So much reality!  This is SO going to happen in the real world!"

Holden muttered, "Yeah, sure it will."

Then the building shook which sent everyone off balance and led CR-S01 to yell, "The floor is going to collapse!"

"AAAGGGHHHHHH!!" Derek ran around in circles, screaming, "We'regonnadiewe'regonnadiewe'regonnadie!!!!"

Cue the slap from Valerie, who was still annoyed by the whole emo corner thing. "Stop that NOW!"

No one, besides Angie, had ever slapped the super surgeon like that before.  Everyone held their breath, waiting to see what would happen...

Are you waiting too?  Sucks for you, because then Maria announced, "OUTTA MY WAY BONEHEADS," shoved everyone out of the way, and then duct taped the cracks in the floor.  "There, that outta do it!"  She stood up and admired her handiwork.

"Er...is that going to hold?" Hank inquired, worried at the shabbiness of the quick fix.

"Hell yeah!  It stopped both Gabe and Markus from emoing for a whole day!"

The two in question had one piece of duct tape across their mouths.  "Mmmmph!"

Who knows how it got there, or how it was there for an entire day although they were talking in the last chapter, but enough plot holes!

Valerie was impressed.  "I gotta get me some of that...". Markus' mouth's future was not looking good.

"Uh, guys?" Derek interjected.  "What about the bus that's, you know, about to FALL THROUGH THE FLOOR?"

Holden facepalmed.  "Great, you just jinxed it."

The agent's words held true as the bus remarked, "I feel like falling now," and fell through the ground.

Then the airplane that had followed it exclaimed, "NOO!  My love, wait for me!" and also broke through the floor to meet what was apparently its girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever-friend.

Appropriately, everyone went "WTF?"

Now Markus decided to speak up through the duct tape.  "wgy dah ygo slegp mg?"

Valerie gave him a very flat look.  "What?"

Victor sighed, apparently the only one smart enough to interpret taped-mouth talk, and grumbled, "He said: 'Why did you slap me?'"

Wait, but Valerie slapped Derek, not him, but Derek doesn't have the duck tape across his mouth... The author decided just to leave it as yet ANOTHER plot hole.

"Because you were being a moron!"

Markus cried a little.

"Leave the drama for another time!" Maria hollered at them. "We have to hurry, or did you forget that the hospital's gonna fall!?"

"Oh crud!"  Derek started to panic again.  "We don't have an escape plan!"

Hank made the shifty eyes (well, he would if he actually OPENED THEM), slowly edged away from the group, then ran off into the bushes.  Immediately a theme song started to play.

"DAH DAH DAAAH! DAH DAH DAAAAH!"

Derek looked around, startled.  "What"s with the weird tune that came out of nowhere?"

Captain Eagle landed right in front of them, the theme song reaching a crescendo, and announced in an overly hammy, not familiar at all voice, "I AM DA AMBASSADOR OF LUV AN JOOTICE. CAPTAIN EAGLEEEEEEE!!!"

Marsha pulled a Valerie and slapped him.  "YOU JUST MADE THE BUILDING EVEN MORE UNSTABLE...MORON!"

Strangely, the superhero didn't seem slightly bothered by the hit.  "No worries random lady I don't know at all!" he replied.  "I will pick the building up and set it back down again, in its right position!". With that declaration he flew off.

Markus was confused.  "Wait, wasn't Trauma Tram supposed to be MORE realistic than the Trauma Center series?"

Tomoe sighed.  "Yeah, so?  I'm a teleporting ninja."

"And I'm an amnesic prisoner with a 250-year sentence" CR-S01 added without a trace of sarcasm.

At this point Markus just gave up.  "I just shouldn't ask, should I?"

Maria shrugged.  "You get used to it after a while-". Then she noticed something.  "Hey, where's Gabe?"

Right after she noted that, someone crashed through the window.

A bushy-haired guy in a blue jacket, an eye bandanna thing, and knuckles on his fists brushed the glass shards off his costume.  Yes, it was none other than Captain Eagle's most recent sidekick, Spike! (Definitely not a lame ripoff of Spike Spiegel.)

"Heeey!" he yelled after the eagle guy.  "Wait for me, Captain!". Then he ran off too.

"..."

"WTF?"  Derek had nothing else to say.

Markus rubbed his temples.  "This day has become WAY TOO RANDOM."

Victor snorted.  "Ya think?"

The building decided to shift around a little bit to remind them just what the main problem in this chapter was again, making Derek panic AGAIN and let out a girly scream.

Maria decided to go all Valerie again and slapped him.  "COULD YOU STOP BEING SO STUPID?  YOU ARE A DOCTOR GODDAMIT!"

And outside the building with the Captain and Spike...

Hank- er, Captain Eagle did a few warmups and instructed his sidekick, "Spike, guard my back from ninjas while I lift up this building with my SUPERSTRENGTH!"

Spike yawned.  "Mmph, alright."

As they worked, a figure (so specific!) watched them with a firm frown and then called over a pigeon in ninja clothes.  "Kaze, tell the clan that the Eagleman character has showed up and to crush him!"

The bird obediently teleportaled to the instructed ninjas.  They listened carefully to its tweets and caws then nodded.  "Yes Lady Tomoe!"

The 1337 Ninjaz Squad, swiftly as the rushing waters, warped over to the building only to find Spike waiting for them.  The sidekick waved and said, "Hey ninjas. Wanna get your asses kicked again?"

Remembering the last time the green-haired man faced off against them in Japan, the 1337 Ninjaz Squad brought out a giant scroll cannon, complete with Japanese flower patterns.

Spike took one look at it then remarked, "Eh, still not good enough," and then went Spike Spiegel on their sorry behinds.

After one terrific battle of punching, kicking, and general ass-kicking, the ninjas were all on the ground and whined, "Ouchies!"

Spike smirked.  "Take that n00bs!"

While he was busy gloating, Tomoe teleportaled behind him, spear at the ready.  She swung it FULL NINJA POWAH at his head, but Spike rolled out of the way and it only cut the cement under them.

He turned quickly around to face his assailant and narrowed his eyes when he recognized her face.  "Tomo...I say, random girl that I don't know," he corrected since it was against the rules for anyone to say any superperson's true name,  "Why are you attacking me!!??"

Tomoe hoisted her spear and pointed it at him.  "You hurt my ninjas!"

"Well, you were the ones who started it!" Spike retorted.

"No we didn't," she denied.

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YESSSSS!"

Tomoe made the shifty eyes.  "...yes..."

"NOOOOOOOO!". Wow, what kind of superhero sidekick gets fooled by a Bugs Bunny gag?

The ninja princess smiled in victory.  "See?  You agree!"

"Oh F*************," Spike cursed as he realized his mistake, and he immediately tried to fix it.  "Well...erm...you said 'yes', so I WAS RIGHT TOO."

Tomoe did not appreciate the counterargument and gripped her spear tighter.  "Do you want to argue about this the old fashioned way?" she challenged.

Spike got into his ready position.  "Gladly."

Alas, a potential battle between an anime badass character ripoff and honor-obsessed ninja heiress was ruined by Captain Eagle, who burst right into the middle of them.  "Spike and the girl that I have never seen before but am sure is the one that keeps on summoning the ninjas!" he announced.

"WHAT!?" they both yelled at him.

The Captain gestured to the structure behind him, which was standing upright again.  "I fixed the building."

The crowd that had formed during the chapter cheered and someone even threw his or her panties at the superhero.

He sweatdropped as they slid down his head.  "Erm...slightly creepy..."

Spike gave his partner an envious look. "Dang, why don't I get the fangirls that fling underwear? At least I appreciate them..." he muttered under his breath.

There was a bit of an awkward moment after that when Spike realized that the line appeared in the story, so Tomoe took it to use and smokebombed then ran away (yes, that's totally a verb now).

When the smoke was gone and our heroes were done with their mandatory coughing fit, Captain Eagle looked at the spot where the ninja once was.  "Someday, we will catch that girl..."

Meanwhile, back in the now fixed hospital...

Maria reached for an aspirin as Rosalia screeched in her ear.

"BEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNINGBEGINNING-"

Here the paramedic snapped.  "IT BEGAN AND ENDED AWHILE AGO!"

Rosalia paused, thought about it, then continued, "IT'SBEGINNINGAGAIN-"

"Hurrk!"  A random patient who was passing by suddenly clutched his chest and began vomiting...